ASCII
The control code for all beginning programmers and those who would
become computer literate. Etymologically, the term has come down as a
contraction of the often-repeated phrase "ascii and you shall
receive."
Assembly Language
Language used by people who build (assemble) computers from kits.
Such people are known as 'cursors' (see below).
Backing up
The process of protecting what should never have been saved in the
first place.
BASIC
An acronym that represents a universal programming language, but in
reality was created as a joke among programmers. The letters stand
for "Boy, this Algorithm Sure is Complex!"
Bit
a) 12.5 cents. Note: an 8 bit computer sells for $1.00 and a 16 bit
computer sells for $2.00.
b) A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's computer cost
quite a bit."
Boot
a)What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging
about your computer skills.
b)Early computers were notoriously unreliable and often needed
adjustment beyond the technical manual's guidance. To start these
machines one often had to give it a "boot. Thus the term has come to
mean the process of starting or running the machine.
Bug
What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny reen computer screen
for more than 15 minutes. Also: what computer magazine companies do
to you after they get your name on their mailing list.
Buffer
A derisive name for the proud new computer owner, who is always
polishing or "buffing" his equipment.
Character
You see these people hanging around computer rooms and in computer
stores. They usually wear thick glasses and they mumble phrases such
as, "I got ten megabytes from the I/O phasing using the integrated
verification data sequence.
Chips
The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid
having to leave their keyboards for meals.
Code
A secret string of symbols known only to those who have mastered the
guild language. Makes equipment work and programs run.
Computer
a) The cause of all problems.
b) A device used to speed and automate errors.
Computer Club
A device for striking a computer when it returns an error
message.
Control Character
Those whom you ASCII. (See Character.)
Copy
What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much
time at the computer and not enough time studying.
Core
The remains of an Apple when all the bytes are gone.
Cursor
a) What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as
in "You $#% computer!"
b) An expert in four-letter words.
Debugging
Activities necessary to remove insects from any area where they are
not wanted.
Default
Usually the equipment or the recently-purchased software; never the
owner.
Disk
What goes out in your back after bending over a computer keyboard for
seven hours at a clip.
Disk Drive
a) A street in Cupertino, California.
b) Hardware part where errors are loaded from diskettes.
Diskette
A mobile accessory to store and transfer errors.
Downtime
Periods when a computer is acutely depressed and refuses to work.
Error Message
What one gets when the instructions are scrupulously followed,
routines checked and bugs deleted.
Expansion Slot
A bottomless slit inside the computer into which large sums of money
are poured in hopes of placating the great god Peripheral.
Floppy
The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack
of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see Chips").
Hard Disk
A floppy disk that has been left outside in a North Dakota
snowstorm.
Hardware
Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you
haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer.
High Level Language
A language used between two expert computer programmers.
Keyboard
a) An instrument used for entering errors into the system
quickly.
b) A set of closely placed buttons that seem to jump around and place
the wrong key under the finger that is pressing down.
Kilobyte
Slang term used with new programmers meaning "he's bitten off more
than he can chew."
Micro computer
One millionth of a computer
Programs
Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked
your computer
Password
The nonsense word taped to your terminal.
Peripheral
Irrelevant.
Printer
A device that prints computer errors on paper.
RAM
A male sheep
Return
What lots of people do with their computers after only a week and a
half.
ROM
The eternal, unchanging got of computer memory.
Syntax
Arbitrary rules, created by computer engineers, designed to confuse,
perplex, and baffle those who try to communicate with a computer.
Turnkey Program
Originally part of the phrase "#@$!!% Turkey program!!) but was
changed to its current form by a typing mistake.
Window
What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a
program that took you three days to set up.