- Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
- Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
- All of your friends have an @ in their names.
- You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
- You wake up at 3am to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
- You can't call your mother...she doesn't have an e-mail account.
- You start introducing yourself as "David at mail dot net dot com"
- You name your children "Eudora", "Mozillia" and "Dotcom"
- You have commandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
- You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
- You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
- You start using smileys in your snail mail
- You start tilting your head sideways to smile and wink
- Your dog has its own home page
- Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
- You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
- You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
- You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
- You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
- You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
- You get a tattoo that says, "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher."
- You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
- Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
- You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
- You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading
- Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
- You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
- Your wife drapes a blonde wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
- Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
- All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...56K...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
- And your dreams are in HTML, gifs and jpegs.
- You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
- You miss more than five meals a week while browsing the net.
- You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
- You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one
- As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
- Tech Support calls you for help.
- You bring a bag lunch to the computer.
- You have withdrawals if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.
- You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.
- You get up at 2:00 am to go the bathroom but go turn on your computer "to check for mail."
- You type faster than you think.
- You dream in text.
- Being called a newbie is a MAJOR insult
- You double click your TV remote.
- You can now type over 70 WPM.
- You check your e-mail and forget you have real mail.
- You go into withdrawals during dinner. (Note: This does not apply to single people, who take their meals at the keyboard).
- You have to be pried from your computer with the Jaws Of Life.
- Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.
You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When