- You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you ?"
- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
- You are proud of your lawn mower.
- Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
- You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
- You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- You answer a question with, "because I said so!"
- You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
- The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
- You make an appointment to see the dentist.
- You sing along with the elevator music.
- You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
- You send money to PBS.
- You take a metal detector to the beach.
- You wear black socks with sandals.
- You know what the word "equity" means.
- You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
- Your ears are hairier than your head.
- You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
- You got cable for the weather channel.
- Neighbors borrow your tools.
- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
- You can go bowling without drinking.
- Your best friend is dating someone half their age ..... and isn't breaking any laws.
- You can live without sex but not without glasses.
- You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
- You refer to your new $2,500 stereo system as "The Hi-Fi."
- Your co-workers let you know "that you started with the company" before they were born.
- Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
- You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
- You get winded playing chess.
- Your children begin to look middle aged.
- You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- You turn off the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- You just can't stand people who are intolerant.
- You burn the midnight oil until 9:00 P.M.
- The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
- You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
- You sink your teeth into a steak ... and they stay there.
Signs You Are No Longer a Kid