| 1:00 a.m. | Alarm clock rings. |
| 2:00 a.m. | Hunting partners arrive & drag you out of bed. |
| 3:00 a.m. | Throw everything but the kitchen sink in the pickup. |
| 3:15 a.m. | Drive back home to pick up gun. |
| 3:30 a.m. | Get picked up by highway patrol trying to get to the woods before daylight. |
| 4:00 a.m. | Set up camp - forgot the tent. |
| 4:30 a.m. | Head into the woods. |
| 6:05 a.m. | See eight deer. |
| 6:06 a.m. | Take careful aim and squeeze trigger. |
| 6:07 a.m. | Load gun while watching the deer you startled by swearing run over the hill. |
| 8:00 a.m. | Head back to camp. |
| 9:00 a.m. | Still looking for camp. |
| 10:00 a.m. | Realize you don't know where the camp is. |
| Noon | Fire gun for help. Eat wild berries. |
| 12:15 p.m. | Ran out of bullets. |
| 12:16 p.m. | The eight deer came back. |
| 12:30 p.m. | Get stomach cramps. Realize you ate poison berries. |
| 12:45 p.m. | Rescued. |
| 12:55 p.m. | Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped. |
| 3:00 p.m. | Arrive back at camp. |
| 3:30 p.m. | Leave camp looking for deer. |
| 4:00 p.m. | Return to camp for bullets. |
| 5:00 p.m. | Empty gun at squirrel that's been bugging you. |
| 6:00 p.m. | Arrive back at camp to find deer grazing by pickup. |
| 6:01 p.m. | Shoot at deer - hit pickup. |
| 6:05 p.m. | Hunting partner returns to camps with a big buck. |
| 6:06 p.m. | Repress strong urge to shoot hunting partner. |
| 6:07 p.m. | Fall into fire when trying to act unimpressed. |
| 6:10 p.m. | Put on new clothes. Throw burned clothes into the fire. |
| 6:15 p.m. | Take pickup, leaving partner and deer in the woods. |
| 6:25 p.m. | Pickup boils over due to hole you shot in the block. |
| 6:30 p.m. | Get out of pickup and fall in the mud. |
| 6:35 p.m. | Notice bear that has also noticed you. |
| 6:36 p.m. | Take aim with shotgun you were going to finish pickup off with. |
| 6:37 p.m. | Fire gun; blow ups - barrel plugged with mud. |
| 6:38 p.m. | Mess pants |
| 6:39 p.m. | Climb tree. |
| 9:00 p.m. | Bear finally leaves. |
| Midnight | Home at last. |
| Sunday | Spend day watching TV. Even if the Vikes lose it can't be worse than Saturday. |
Deer Hunt
