- The Superintendent
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound;
Is more powerful than a locomotive;
Is faster than a speeding bullet;
Walks on water;
Gives policy to God. - The Assistant Superintendent
Leaps short buildings in a single bound;
Is more powerful than a switch engine;
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet;
Walks on water if the sea is calm;
Talks with God. - The Building Principal
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds;
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine but not quite;
Is faster than a speeding BB;
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool;
Talks with God if special request is approved. - The Assistant Building Principal
Barely clears a quonset hut;
Loses tug of war with locomotive;
Can fire a speeding bullet;
Swims well;
Is occasionally addressed by God. - The Teacher
Makes huge marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings;
Is run over by locomotives;
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury;
Dog paddles;
Talks to animals. - The Custodian
Runs into buildings;
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times;
Is not issued ammunition;
Can stay afloat with a life jacket;
Talks to walls. - The Student
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings;
Says "Look at the choo-choo";
Shoots himself with a water pistol;
Plays in mud puddles;
Mumbles to himself. - The Secretary
Lifts buildings and walks under them;
Kicks locomotives off the tracks;
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them;
Freezes water with a single glance;
She is God.
Who Runs The School District?